calling a man a “pig” is literally dehumanising how do some people not think there’s anything wrong with that how
Because chicks, fillies, birds and bitches never get dehumanised. Those vixens always get away with this kind of shit. Especially the heifers, they’re the worst. What cows.
Uterus, I do not understand your need to have a baby. We cannot afford a baby. I do not want a baby. Hell you wouldn’t even be happy if we had a baby. I find these temper tantrums you throw every month we don’t have a baby absolutely unacceptable.
how to fuck with hunters 101
you could totally get away with murder with these literally i mean if you got blood on the soles and made a trail people would probably just think it was an animal attack
Tumblr is officially full of psychopaths.
There is a fine line between psychopath and genius. People on Tumblr play jump-rope with this line.
That …was beautiful.
Wow that’s so damn simple
SHELDON IS FREAKIN ADORABLE AND I WANT TO ADOPT HIM.
…did…did Barbie just break the fourth wall.
that is stacy you uncultured swine
Val was adopted. Her dad, lovely though he was, wasn’t really her dad. She didn’t know who really was though, and her dad was kind, even if she refused to call him “dad”.
She’d never known why he’d fought so hard adopt her. She was the weird kid at the foster home, the one weird stuff happened around, the one who’d managed to warn Gemma that there was an adder by her foot, and managed to tease the adder away.
(She made things vanish too, though she didn’t know where they went. She could get them to come back, sometimes.)
But Dudley had fought for her, said that yes, the other children were perfectly lovely but Valerian Makepeace was something else, something, he said, pointing to her empty file, no other parents had seemed prepared to accept.
Val was a child Dudley Dursley fought to adopt, and adopt her he did. When things went missing he was never angry. When odd things happened he never demanded to know what had occurred. When the snake crawled up his leg and only Val could get it off he just nodded and said, “just like Harry you are.”
She didn’t really know who Harry was.
But when, that summer, the year she turned 11, an owl landed on her windowsill, holding a letter in its beak, Dudley smiled. “Just like Harry you are,” he said again.
He explained about magic - or what little he could. Explained how his cousin - no, he wasn’t in contact with Harry much anymore, just that odd moving Christmas card each year - could do magic. Explained how there was a place in London, Diagonally, where she could get the things on the list, if she wanted to go.
Val wanted to go.
Dudley sent a letter to his cousin. The address (Godric’s Hollow, what a funny name, Val thought) neatly written and the letter quickly responded to. A barn owl (named Wendelin, apparently) came with a letter saying to go to a particular corner in London, where Harry would meet them.
Meet them he did, him and his whole family, and extended family, red head after red head, and Harry standing dark haired among them all, two dark haired boys, bickering beside him.
"Val are you?" he said, bending a bit so his eyes, dancing and green, were at her height. "It’s alright, I didn’t know what was going on when I was told. You’re a witch. Have you ever done strange things before?"
Val nodded because she had, though she’d always hesitated to call them magic.
"It’s alright. Would you like me to show you how to do something else strange?"
Val nodded because this was an adult not just, as dad did, accepting the strangeness, but asking for it. When she tapped the bricks, lifted by Dudley so she could reach the top one, she didn’t expect anything to happen.
But they moved.
Behind her the army of redheads cheered, and as her dad lifted her down and touched a kiss to her hair she smiled, properly, widely, as she handed the wand back.
She knew what she was now.
(Idea of Dudley having a muggle-born Slytherin daughter from ninnieamee)
I’m a minor Potterhead at best. But I love this.
I love this. I’ve always headcanoned that Dudley turned out ok in spite of his upbringing, and this is the kind of thing that my mental image of Adult!Dudley would do.
I love the idea that Dudley grows up to realise that his parents were horrible people and that the way they treated Harry was wrong. I especially love this.
Me: “Eat your dinner.”
3yo: “I have 2 stomachs. One is for food, one is for ice cream. The food stomach is full. Let’s have some ice cream!”
Hey scientists, you may have turned black watermelon seeds white… but we have eyes and they’re definitely still there, so let’s not call them “seedless”.
wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs
also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything
what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??
helping others is always nice
also if you know someone you can’t stand leave some of their hair at the crime scene
Thank you, tiny potato
200 NOTES ON THIS HOW MANY INSPIRATIONAL POTATOES DO YOU NEED
what happens if u put a werewolf on the moon is a great question probably the best question ever asked
he’ll explode and die because there’s no oxygen on the moon
We never said we’d send him up without a suit you absolute monster
This was actually Harrison Ford improvising. There was supposed to be a long complicated battle where he used the whip to disarm the guy, but Harrison had dysentery and it was hot and he said “Hey Steven can I just shoot him?” and Spielberg liked it so much it went in the movie.
Dysentery never looks so delicious
That guy who he shot spent months training with the sword
Ford was literally on the verge of dying during this part of the production.
First rule of the Doctor Jones fandom ALWAYS reblog this gifset when it comes on your dashboard.
As an introvert, I’ve done, and do, all of these things…. constantly.
HAHA I DO ALMOST ALL OF THESE
isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other human beings?
Are you talking about prostitution, the movies, or airplane tickets?